My dad was rushed to the ER last Tuesday. He was released yesterday and is doing better now. Ever since his illness two years ago, he has changed a lot, but sometimes, his old habits return. He was a man who hardly had anything nice to say. In fact, he was the reason for my depression growing up.
After middle school, I slowly began to believe the awful things he said about me were true - maybe I’ll never grow up to make something out of my life. I was suicidal because I was also battling the loss of my little sister combined with having an abusive dad. It was too much for a young girl to grow up with.
This was something that I’ve always found difficult sharing with others - but the recent deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain made me realize that my depression does not need to define me. I just wished that Kate and Tony realized how much they were worth and that their depression should not lead them to take their own lives - but live to find the happiness that were meant for them.
I could choose to resent my dad forever for damaging me the way he did, all those years growing up - or I could choose to be happy and forgive him. That’s what I ended up doing. Forgiving him for every time he broke my heart.
I even took care of him when he was ill. I took four weeks off work to ensure his health was stable. Sacrificed my own well-being for his own. Maybe he’ll never see what I’ve done or apologize to me, but I did prove him wrong. I did make something out of my life.