Forgive. And accept the apology that was never given


#1

My dad was rushed to the ER last Tuesday. He was released yesterday and is doing better now. Ever since his illness two years ago, he has changed a lot, but sometimes, his old habits return. He was a man who hardly had anything nice to say. In fact, he was the reason for my depression growing up.

After middle school, I slowly began to believe the awful things he said about me were true - maybe I’ll never grow up to make something out of my life. I was suicidal because I was also battling the loss of my little sister combined with having an abusive dad. It was too much for a young girl to grow up with.

This was something that I’ve always found difficult sharing with others - but the recent deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain made me realize that my depression does not need to define me. I just wished that Kate and Tony realized how much they were worth and that their depression should not lead them to take their own lives - but live to find the happiness that were meant for them.

I could choose to resent my dad forever for damaging me the way he did, all those years growing up - or I could choose to be happy and forgive him. That’s what I ended up doing. Forgiving him for every time he broke my heart.

I even took care of him when he was ill. I took four weeks off work to ensure his health was stable. Sacrificed my own well-being for his own. Maybe he’ll never see what I’ve done or apologize to me, but I did prove him wrong. I did make something out of my life.


#2

yea parents can be a bummer sometimes. i always say dont expect nothin from no one and you’ll never be disappointed.


#3

Godspeed; bigger picture, it’s up to us how we respond to all the low vibes people like puppets - including family - have been resonating since decades of perpetual warmongering now; at very least since khmer rouge survivorship and now even today in us troops, veterans, leaders, and illuminati pop culture followers which make up the masses at large.


#4

Oh yeah. I’ve learned that a long time ago not to have any expectations from anyone, and this includes family members. I know I’ll be let down if I do. It’s sad when I do so much for others and they continue to only think of themselves. I don’t care if they return the favor to me – but I just wished they showed a sense of decency for others. What baffles me is the people who do things to only benefit themselves. For example, my neighbor parks his ginormous RV in front of his house – almost blocking anyone from passing through to their OWN house. I would never think of doing that. The same neighbor also pulls his trash bins in front of my yard so I am forced to move my bins almost blocking my driveway.


#5

Thank you. I am trying my best to empathize what he went through too – not just being a survivor of the Khmer Rouge, but also enduring the abuse from his parents, and being forced to be a father figure to his 4 younger siblings because his father passed away when he was young. I get it. He had his own share of pain. I just don’t understand why he allowed history to repeat itself, knowing how much he suffered.

I want to forgive him to set myself free from all the hurt and negative energy that I’ve held onto for years – I’ve grown up having low self-esteem because of what he put me through. I can now let that all of that go and move on with my life. I am in a much better state both physically and mentally.

I once saw a tarot reader and she told me that the depression in my family lineage will end with me and that I was the only one who could help my family. I found it strange being that I have two other siblings. I’m not sure what she meant by ending with me either.


#6

if hes blocking your driveway jus knock em over with your car. hell get the message


#7

Lol no the bins almost blocking my driveway are mine because of my douchebag neighbor puts his bins in front of my front yard where I was supposed to put my bins on trash day. Just that family is so inconsiderate.


#8

for a case of beer ill tip move em over and tip them onto your neighbors lawn


#9

When it comes to family, forgiveness is no simple matter, in fact it’s a moral dilemma, especially when they see no wrong nor have any intention to make things right. Nonetheless they are a part of you no matter what. Having said that, it is best that we do find it in our hearts to forgive. Because that’s what mature people do. One final thought, there are some types of abuse/crime that may be near impossible to forgive and for those situations I can totally understand the decision not to forgive. After all it is a very personal thing.

On the topic of Bourdain, based on available information concerning his suicide, I wish he would’ve taken comfort in knowing that he’s touching people’s lives everyday from the work he does and that is a good enough reason to live. But hey, what do I know…I’m just a lowly derelict with barely two dollars to my name.


#10

I get what you mean. There are some people I know who cannot forgive others, especially their families - but for me, I think it’s because I’ve changed a lot. I no longer am the type of person to hold grudges. I feel that it does nothing for me, but rather damage me emotionally and that’s not something I have time for anymore. At the end of the day, life is short and it shouldn’t be spent resenting people for their wrongdoings. I know that I will not let my future family go through what I went through. I think that’s what the tarot reader meant. Man, I remember this story my middle school friend told me. She said her cousin was raped by her dad when he was drunk and that she kept the baby. That’s something very traumatizing and finding courage to forgive someone for doing something like that would take a lifetime or even longer. I’m sad that things like that happen in this world.

I have been in a very dark place many times people and I think people who have thoughts of suicide think that the world would be a better place without them - which is untrue. There’s a purpose for everyone in life and maybe he believes that his purpose was fulfilled from the many lives he touched. Some others were saying his suicide was a setup or part of a conspiracy. It just doesn’t make sense. He doesn’t fit the profile of a suicide victim - but then again many of these people are good at fooling the world.


#11

Haha. I know right. I just roll my eyes whenever I see them. I don’t want to cause any drama with my neighbors, but man it’s been difficult! It baffles me that they still don’t see how selfish they are sometimes. But everyone else in my community are friendly and considerate.


#12

lmao you know i got into a fight with my neighbors. we ended becoming the best of friends even though we got off on the wrong foot. actually the only meaningful friendships ive ever had in my life are because of that time i punched my neighbor. who wouldve thought lol


#13

That’s good you made lemonade out of lemons. I have learned my lesson trying to be nice to neighbors. One time this teenage THOT keyed my car, before her and her family moved out. This was back when I got my first apartment (6 years ago). I was welcoming the new neighbors (who didn’t stay there that long) and now I understood why. Their whole family were nutjobs, except for the sweet little girl (she was friendly and sane). The rest were are not friendly at all and had issues – my other neighbors despised them too. I’m curious what your neighbor did for you not to like him?


#14

i went to get the mail one day. lmao and this nigga was looking at me sideways. i punched him in the gut dropped his ass. next day i found out this nigga had like 4 brothers. LOLOL niggas came out deep tried to get at me ROFL. mind you this is my next door neighbor. after that incident a period of hostility existed for a couple of years. to this day i still dont remember how we reconciled. all i know is one day i ended up inside they house smoking some weed and shit.and the rest is history. they mom used to get on my ass all the time. shed walk into her living room find me passed out on her couch. i always remember waking up this khmer lady yelling at me boy go home. lol


#15

All of that started from a LOOK?! Now I know why there were bad stereotypes about us Cambodians lol what if he looked at you and thought you looked familiar? Maybe he meant no harm. I don’t think he wanted to offend you from the start because otherwise he and his brothers wouldn’t be so nonchalant where a friendship would result from the misunderstanding. Are they still your neighbors?


#16

nah i moved out the block back in like 2010. but they was my neighbors since like 90ish. yea man we had a talk afterwards years later like i asked him why he was smiling at me and he said that he wanted to say hi but for some reason i punched him. iono back then i was trippin. still am trippin lol but u know we got off to a wrong start but after that it was all gravy. his younger brother actually became my road dawg. to this day me and his brother stay in contact.


#17

Haha now you have great memories to share of your past together. Sometimes the strongest friendships root from misunderstandings.